Fifteen years ago, I didn't have the emotional capacity to connect with the world. Today, it feels very surreal. I force myself to watch the live footage over and over from every angle and I just can't process it.
I empathize with those who died in the building. I don't use that word lightly - sitting at my keyboard my eyes roll back in my head and my heart leaps into my throat in sheer terror as my overactive imagination recreates what it fathoms the various horrendous ends were for the more than two thousand office workers who just showed up to work that day. I always end up weeping in the corner, wishing it would end.
I have nightmare visions and my brain is filled with panic and confusion. It's almost too much to type even in retrospect and I have to erase and rewrite more than usual. In my connection to the here and now I wonder how much hatred people will have for me feeling this way.
I wasn't there, and nobody I know was there.
The most tragic thing 9/11 brought directly to my life was a rather rude introduction to the religion of Islam. Although it had been mentioned to me briefly in the past, in 2001 it seemed to me to be just another strange offshoot of the Abrahamic religions.
Even though there was no danger to me in the Los Angeles suburb I lived in at the time, the word "Muslim" suddenly became a crude and evil word. It was inextricably intertwined with Al Qaeda, Osama Bin Laden, and the Taliban. At age 13 none of those words meant much of anything to me, but a child as easily influenced as myself was eager to participate in national fervor.
Fifteen years is a long time, and unlike a loud and unseemly segment of my fellow patriots I no longer associate Islam with the terrorist activities carried out that September morning in 2001. I can't help but wonder, though, at the circumstances that bred the all-too-familiar us v. them mentality in the terrorist cells that did carry out the attacks.
I can't help what I feel. I feel great pain at the loss of life. Great curiosity at the scale at which this event occurred. Unlike every other major destructive event in recent history, this one stands as the most heavily documented. There's footage from within the towers. There's phone calls from within the towers. The sound of the jet hitting the second tower in this video will forever shape the sounds of my greatest fears.
When I look back on 2001 I am struck by the memory of how stuck in the 90's we still were. I don't think the new millennium really took hold until 2002. Everything about the look and feel of the footage supports this in my mind.
I was skeptical, at various points in my life, of the legitimacy of the attacks. I haven't been for some time. At the fifteen year mark, my convictions on this matter have never been stronger. The huge amount of video evidence, in concert with eye witness testimony, confirms the truth of the situation. No buildings that big had ever collapsed that way before, nor have they since.
I hope this is the only thing I ever write on the subject of the 9/11/2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City. Even as someone as uninvolved as I am, it is very painful to write about. I almost wish I could return to my ignorance at age 13.
I also hope this writing falls into obscurity. I don't plan to share it. I don't view this as a means of bragging. I just needed to write it somewhere.
I empathize with those who died in the building. I don't use that word lightly - sitting at my keyboard my eyes roll back in my head and my heart leaps into my throat in sheer terror as my overactive imagination recreates what it fathoms the various horrendous ends were for the more than two thousand office workers who just showed up to work that day. I always end up weeping in the corner, wishing it would end.
I have nightmare visions and my brain is filled with panic and confusion. It's almost too much to type even in retrospect and I have to erase and rewrite more than usual. In my connection to the here and now I wonder how much hatred people will have for me feeling this way.
I wasn't there, and nobody I know was there.
The most tragic thing 9/11 brought directly to my life was a rather rude introduction to the religion of Islam. Although it had been mentioned to me briefly in the past, in 2001 it seemed to me to be just another strange offshoot of the Abrahamic religions.
Even though there was no danger to me in the Los Angeles suburb I lived in at the time, the word "Muslim" suddenly became a crude and evil word. It was inextricably intertwined with Al Qaeda, Osama Bin Laden, and the Taliban. At age 13 none of those words meant much of anything to me, but a child as easily influenced as myself was eager to participate in national fervor.
Fifteen years is a long time, and unlike a loud and unseemly segment of my fellow patriots I no longer associate Islam with the terrorist activities carried out that September morning in 2001. I can't help but wonder, though, at the circumstances that bred the all-too-familiar us v. them mentality in the terrorist cells that did carry out the attacks.
I can't help what I feel. I feel great pain at the loss of life. Great curiosity at the scale at which this event occurred. Unlike every other major destructive event in recent history, this one stands as the most heavily documented. There's footage from within the towers. There's phone calls from within the towers. The sound of the jet hitting the second tower in this video will forever shape the sounds of my greatest fears.
When I look back on 2001 I am struck by the memory of how stuck in the 90's we still were. I don't think the new millennium really took hold until 2002. Everything about the look and feel of the footage supports this in my mind.
I was skeptical, at various points in my life, of the legitimacy of the attacks. I haven't been for some time. At the fifteen year mark, my convictions on this matter have never been stronger. The huge amount of video evidence, in concert with eye witness testimony, confirms the truth of the situation. No buildings that big had ever collapsed that way before, nor have they since.
I hope this is the only thing I ever write on the subject of the 9/11/2001 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center in New York City. Even as someone as uninvolved as I am, it is very painful to write about. I almost wish I could return to my ignorance at age 13.
I also hope this writing falls into obscurity. I don't plan to share it. I don't view this as a means of bragging. I just needed to write it somewhere.
